oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
