tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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