It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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