my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
