I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
