you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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