bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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