u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
