Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
