That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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