Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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