FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
