I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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