Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
