Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Randomize
