My cat gives me a boner
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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