this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
