Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
