i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
