Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
