He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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