so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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