If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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