You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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