i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
