Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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