Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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