Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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