I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
