i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
