I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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