I smell stomach acid.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
