areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
