But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
