physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
