bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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