Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
