Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
