Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
