I'm lost and stupid without you.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
