Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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