He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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