Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
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I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
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I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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