I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I want to make a zoo with you.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
