this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
