just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
