Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
