Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
