Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
