I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize