im six kinds of drunk right now
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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