so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
