I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
