Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
