I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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