my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
