why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize