i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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