I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
