She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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