Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
