My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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