my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
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You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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