Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
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So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
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Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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