I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Randomize
