Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
