can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
