i think i have two assholes
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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