Don't make out with my wife yet
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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