Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
