Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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