Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
