What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
