Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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