she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
