haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
