tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
