Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
