I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
