You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Let's get the cat blown out
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
