Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
