He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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