I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
