Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
