I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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