Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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