pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
