I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
