Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
